Bar Do's and Don'ts for Guys & Gals.

I've noticed certain things, through observation and experience that help the relation between men and women in a bar.

Guys: Do NOT drink from a straw. 

         - Please do not walk around holding the drink up to your face drinking from that little black straw. Take a second, and imagine what you look like with that little plastic cup, and your fingers gripped around that tiny straw, sucking up the little amount of alcohol you can. Be a man, and drink from the cup. Women like Men.

Gals: DO NOT WALK AROUND WITH YOUR SHOES OFF!

        - I do not know why I have to continue to repeat this. I'm aware you made the poor decision to wear shoes that hurt your feet. Beauty is pain. Especially in the bar; if you wander around with your shoes off, you are no longer attractive, so endure the pain. If I approach you, concerning your footwear, you are WRONG. Go put them back on.

Guys: Do NOT do the "Playa Hand Rub" gesture when approaching a group girls. 

         - If you approach a girl, with your head cocked to the side, attempting to walk with "swag" rubbing your hands together. You have already struck out with out saying a word. Don't do it.

Guys: Do NOT Wear a Chin Strap style beard. (Extra emphasis to white guys)

         - If you don't know how dumb you look. Now you know. Your hope to pick up any attractive and somewhat classy girl went out the door when you walked in. On the same line. If you have hearings, that's on you; just a suggestion, DO NOT wear your earrings with cowboy boots and a chin strap beard. EPIC FAIL. 

Girls: Do NOT wear the same thing as the friend you walk in with.

         - I understand how the trend works. Girls wear similar things and everyone catches on at the same time. I don't doubt that several other gals in the bar will be dressed similar. I just advise that it not be the girls you walk in with.

Guys: Do NOT wait for another guy to hit on the pretty girl you interested in. 

         - If you see a pretty girl, literally stop what your doing, and go make conversation. Tell her, that she caught your eye and you had to talk to her. Being rejected isn't the end of the world. You'll forget about it anyway.

Guys: Do buy your lady a drink.

         - Please, if you walk in with a lady, and plan on leaving with her, purchase her drinks. Its just courteous. Even if she forks up the money, you need to be the one to get up and get it. Also, Do NOT be the one to have a girl drinking a beer and you are drinking a bright blue mixer with fruit in it.

Girls: Do have a good time.

        - Be social, talk to people when buying a drink. Don't occupy your time with people watching, get out of your chair separate from your friends and be a social. Girls that go in large groups tend to spend more time people watching and judging, rather that just enjoying the night.

Guys: Ask a girl to dance. (Normal Dance, not booty)

        - If you haven't been informed, booty dancing is not the only method. If you can't dance, you can learn via YouTube in your home. Girls love dancing; yes this is a fact. If you are successful in getting a gal to dance with you, make sure you lead. Don't be weak, be a man and spin that gal proudly. If you dip her, don't drop her. 

These are simple things to help the relation between men and women. A few things that some people just haven't caught wind of. Just material i've gathered through observation.

Words from Courtney Marie Land

Mr. Jacobs,

I would first like to thank you for all you have done for Auburn, not only in the realm of athletics but for the school’s overall environment as well. For more than 25 years you have been on a mission to help make Auburn the best university in this country and I, along with countless others, believe that you have contributed greatly to the successes of this school. Thank you for helping to give Auburn students solid ground to stand on when we say “I believe in Auburn, and Love it!”.

In my past three years here I have never had a problem with the way the athletic office has run their program. I have never had issues with ordering tickets, calling to ask questions or dealing with the staff running the ticket office. It has actually been a quite pleasurable experience compared to the horror stories I hear about other schools having to buy their tickets week by week. I commend you and your staff for giving out tickets in an organized and efficient way. But Mr. Jacobs the way tickets were distributed for the SEC Championship game, without question rivaled the horror stories I have heard from other schools. I have never seen such a poorly organized and thought-out method for dispensing tickets.

I do not write you this out of anger that I did not get a ticket, I will find one before December 4th and will be sitting in the Georgia Dome cheering louder than I have in my entire life. I write you this because I find it quite unfair that seniors did not get priority for tickets, like the way as we have always done it for ordering regular season tickets. I do not think I would have gotten one if we had done it that way because I am just barely a senior in hours, but it would have at least been a fair method. Freshmen have not yet had time to let the spirit of Auburn marinade in their soul – it’s true. Freshmen may love Auburn football dearly, but they have not experienced what it is like to possess the same unconditional love for a losing Auburn football team like many of us have in the past. That aside, I feel that the method for the distribution of tickets could have been handled much differently.

On a totally separate issue, I know that Auburn received 15,900 tickets for the championship. I have heard from various sources (including from someone who works in the ticketing office) that there were only 1,400 – 1,600 tickets given to students. Might I ask why only 8.8% of the seats given to Auburn were reserved for the student body? Eight point eight percent?! I understand that faculty and alumni should be given to opportunity to buy tickets but really Mr. Jacobs? When our defense is trying to stop a crucial game changing third down conversion they will be looking to the student section for that little push of confidence. And what will they see? Only 1,400 students from Auburn’s actual student body. There may be plenty of alumni and faculty shaking their shakers passionately and cheering, but it will never rival the force that our student body’s impact can have upon this team. Coach Chizik has said it himself; our presence can change the game. We’re here trying to be all-in Mr. Jacobs, just as we have been all-in from the moment we kicked off against Arkansas St. on September 4th. But we’re finding it difficult to do when only 8.8% of us were given the opportunity attend the game.

Now, I apologize that you were at the receiving end of my rant if this was not your decision, but I am assuming you had some sort of hand in it considering that if it was not your decision, it was the decision of someone who answers to you. I truly hope that you take into consideration everything I have said and make changes to the way tickets will be distributed for the bowl game. If I have been misstated the facts about anything I have just said please feel free to contact me and enlighten me, so I can in turn enlighten the outraged student body.

Once again, thank you for everything you have done at Auburn. I am so proud to say that I am a woman of Auburn, and to call this lovely little village on the plains my home.

War Eagle!
Courtney Land

Just Saying

I think it sucks that from my Face Book feed more underclassman got tickets to the game than upperclassman and grad students... some of you underclass chicks don't even know what a first down is.... No, I am not bitter that I didn't receive a ticket, because I'm not a student. However my roommate, a seven year student of Auburn; here from 2004 (perfect season) to now, what could be another Perfect season, did not receive a ticket. I think the "random" lottery should be influenced by hours, but random as well. I'm not sure how it works but I know some computer programmer is capable of that. Just Saying. A senior had priority at the beginning of the season, why not at the end?

I believe in Auburn

Ok, so I just felt the need to comment on the recent negative publicity that Auburn and Cameron Newton have received. Due to the fact that Auburn is rarely and preferably not in the spot lights, we Auburn fans are not accustomed to the ridicule. I have not personally been introduced to Cam Newton, but it does not take much to develop an opinion of character from someone that receives such publicity. He seems to be a humble and good guy. He seems to be genuine and its easy to observe that he loves it here; as most people that reside in Auburn do.  It is unfortunate that all of these accusations appear when he is at the top of his career. Think of how many athletes have done far worse than even the accusations state, and since they didn't turn out to be the best athlete in the country, they were fortunate enough to avoid it. If any of these accusations, if proven to be true, even mattered they would have been brought forward prior to Auburn and Cam Newton's success.

When it comes to Auburn, there are certain things that people should understand; we are an honest people. Now, I have not been inside, to vouch for what goes on day to day in the athletic department. However, in order for a person to reside here, they must possess enough decent character for the rest of the population to trust and follow. Auburn is a society of honest, family driven people, that will do their best to keep the name and image of Auburn they grew to Love. Auburn fans, unite and keep your eyes on the prize. The year of the tiger... is every year. War Damn!

Michigan

So I've been in Michigan for a few days now and I've been to a few bars. Nothing really impressed me, but I did have a fairly good time at "Toby Keith" in Oxford, MI. I tell you what, that is a big bar; enough "Regulators" to staff a Saturday night at SkyBar twice. Not much happened but I did assist their employees by spotting a potential brawl. My roommate and his girlfriend are well aware that, the skills I possess, I'm not capable of turning off. I pointed it out to the bartender that assisted me, and she returned the favor on our bill. If you're ever in this part of Michigan and would want to enjoy country music and line dancing, I recommend stopping by. However, be sure to avoid the cougar that works at the hotel across the street.


Also, Wife of the Year Award goes to Sienna Dowdy. She flew me up to visit my buddy Daniel Dowdy, for his anniversary gift. Haha, he needed some man time. Congratulations Sienna Dowdy!

Recap

Since my previous post Auburn has played LSU and Ole Miss and excelled to an excellent 9-0, and No. 1 in the Nation. Auburn isn't one of those schools that has band wagon fans and only appreciates them when they win. So to say that our fan base is bigger would be incorrect, however, we are stronger than ever and it feels amazing to be an Auburn Tiger.

Ok, now for the main meal. LSU weekend was fairly impressive. The Thursday previous to the game gave us a preview to what we thought would be a potentially violent weekend. As I enjoyed the company of friends and a few LSU travelers on my off day, we witnessed an LSU vs Auburn quarrel that resulted in one kid laid stone cold in the center of the street. We were sure from that day, the remainder of the weekend would be similar, but we were incorrect. Friday night went through fairly unscathed and Saturday was simply remarkable. The LSU fans that came to the bar didn't cause any problems. They drank, listened to the music of Tim Tyler and his buddy, and had a good time. LSU weekend was our best home game success. Looking forward to UTC and Georgia I think we can complete the football season without any major incidents.

With all the success we had through that weekend; I continue to see girls around the bar with their shoes off. Let me make this statement. If you take you shoes off in SkyBar and get cut, or previously had one, YOU WILL DIE! Our floors are not sanitary. Unfortunately when consuming alcohol, the importance and priority of staying clean are eliminated, so people never realize how dirty bars really are.

This week. Halloween weekend. Was a pretty successful but boring weekend. Nothing too interesting except some fairly creative costumes. Lieutenant Dan and Forest Gump were the best, along with Edward Scissors Hands, Swamp People, and FOUR LOCO.


Oh, and yes.... I do have eyes in the back of my head.

Auburn Feeling

You know God is an Auburn Fan, when you look at the sunset, and the sky is Orange and Blue. 


When I wake up on a Fall Saturday morning, walk downstairs, out the door, on to the porch, and breathe... I feel it. I can feel the distant energy that is soon to flood my veins and electrify my spine. I can hear the roar of loyal voices as the Eagle soars. I can smell the grill smoke circling campus. The entire Auburn Family wakes up with that same feeling. Although some may be a little groggy from the previous night.


Growing up in Auburn slightly tarnished my experience. I wasn't aware that the rest of the country wasn't as friendly. I wasn't aware that the dialogue, "Hey, how are you?" "I'm good, and you?" "I'm good thanks." in passing was abnormal. I also wasn't aware the rest of the country wasn't educated on proper tailgating; lots of beer, lots of food, and most of all, lots of people. 


After high school, I left Auburn and experienced several locations around the country. None could provide an experience that I was accustomed to, or entertained by. None had the warm family and friends feeling you get when you're walking along with a crowd of people to the stadium. I do applaud a few school for their rich traditions and enthusiastic support behind those traditions but when you come from tradition, friendliness, and enthusiasm; only one, will not suffice. Auburn will give you that. 


Auburn gives you an experience that is one of a kind. Auburn gives you a sense of belonging. Auburn gives you another family to experience life with. The relationship you develop with Auburn, will be one that lasts forever. I believe in Auburn and love it. 

War Cam Eagle!

Auburn Tigers are 7-0! What a win. I stayed at the game until the extra point after the 99yd ko return. Then took off in a sprint to work. I made it.

October 16, 2010

Pretty crowded game day. We had a few drunks that needed to be removed fairly early. Blanton Reed played in the front and Trotline jammed out in the back. Cam Newton and several other football players came in after the game. One stole some former Marine's girlfriend. That's an unfortunate situation. I caught some jackass urinating in an employee only stairwell. I was tempted to give him the puppy punishment and rub his nose in it. All-in-all this saturday was fairly calm. Everyone was excited for the win and behaved.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with being drunk in a bar, however, drunk and stupid is grounds for removal.

AUSKYBAR#1

Every night, I have the opportunity to witness the madness we call Auburn Night Life. I work as a bouncer at Skybar, and was advised to document and share some of the miraculous things I witness. Some days/weeks will be slower than others so on some blogs I may recap nights prior to this first blog.


October 15, 2010.


Tonight was a fairly slow night. Average Friday night crowd, not too much action. There was an older woman dressed in a tiger suit. Plenty of students found it amusing and took pictures. She grabbed my ass when she entered the bar. She really enjoyed that. Charles Barkley came to the bar. One of the few times the VIP section was actually used for a VIP. A bunch of people took pictures with him and wanted to meet him. I, stand by my original opinion of thinking the guy is a douche bag after two of our bouncers were his personal security, and he didn't tip them at all. What a tool. Not much else worth mentioning. Oh, and GIRLS!!! STOP TAKING YOUR SHOES OFF!




Arkansas Game tomorrow. I know there will be plenty to write about. Hopefully we pull off this win to put us 7-0. Talk to you tomorrow. War Damn!


-Christian Parker

1

A groan grasps the peanut near the offending anthology.